Time

A year ago today I was begging for you to come! I felt like you were never going to come, and I'd stay pregnant forever. I was ready, my body was ready, my heart was getting ready. I wasn't really sleeping well, I wasn't really feeling well, and I was an emotional wreck.

I wasn't working anymore.
I was home.
I was with your sisters.
Time went by unnoticed.
I got through it.

The mix of feelings that I was feeling the week of your birthday were really intense. I had never in my life been so scared. I was scared of so much.

Leaving your sisters
C-Section
Your health
My health
"What if I can't love this baby as much as I love my girls?"

Time went by. Appointments went by. Play time went by. Snuggles with your sisters.

It all disappeared.

And, suddenly it was time!

"Why had I wished my time away?"
" I am not ready!"
" I didn't do enough with the girls!"
"What if something bad happens?"
"How am I equipped enough to be a mother of 3?"

We got to the hospital.  We were prepping.  We were excited.

I was a mess. Barely hanging on.

The C-section began with my doctor hugging me and consoling me. I was scared, and everyone in the room knew it. The anesthesiologist talked to me about ice cream and my high school job of working at Durbin's.

I tried not to cry. 

I tried not to listen to all of the things going on around me. I tried to focus on your Dad.

Time went by.

It felt like forever.
I asked, "why is this taking so long?" Your Dad replied,  "It's not, they are moving so fast around this room!" And then my doctor said in her sweet voice, "Meghan, we are about to pull the baby out. Get ready to feel a little pressure and then we will show him to you."

It was time.

I held my breath.
I closed my eyes.
I felt the pressure.
I heard her voice again, "Meghan, look at this perfect boy! Look at how alert and calm he is!"

I looked!

I saw you, I sobbed!

You were perfect. 

You were absolutely amazing.

It felt like forever before you cried out, I asked your Dad if you were ok, and then we heard you!
Your Dad left my side to go meet you!

I felt like I was never going to stop crying.

Time.

Time, is such a funny thing.
It sneaks up on you when you aren't ready for it, even when you think you are.

The moment I saw your face all of the doubt, all of the fear, it melted.

You were here, and all I wanted was for you to be with me forever.

Since these beginning moments we have had so many more! All wonderful and all fleeting.
A year has gone by in the blink of an eye. You have changed and grown. You have learned so much and impress us daily with how "advanced" you are! ;-)

All these moments, all this time we've had has been pure bliss. The fear I had, has turned into the greatest love I've ever felt. You and your sisters have given me everything, and more than I knew my heart needed.

Time will keep going by, birthdays will keep coming, fear, and worry will keep happening but, time will again pass. My love for you will never change, no matter how much time passes.

 I love you so big! Happy Birthday to our best guy!

Love always,
Mom

Share:facebook - twitter - pinterest

Time