Growing up

Dear girls,
This has been quite a year for you! You have grown so much, and with each passing day seem to be older, and more mature than you were the day before. You became big sisters; some of the best big sisters I've ever seen! You started dance class. You are learning your letters and numbers, and are so interested in learning more! (Go ahead, keep asking Daddy "why?", it's a fun game!) This year has been such a year of growth for all of us.

Ava has shown us all that she is her own person. You have your own very distinct likes and dislikes. You love all things Paw Patrol and superhero. You love your Uncle Zach really big and have a special bond with him. You have shown us this year how truly stubborn you can be. You have shown us how soft and sweet you still are. You have shown us how brave you continue to be in a world that can be overwhelming.

Ella, you are a star. You always want to be in charge and have shown us how big of a leader you really are this year. You are a wonderfully tender big sister. You yield the drama of an actress who has been in the business for years. Your singing voice sometimes makes me cry. Your boldness amazes us every day.

Year 3 was a great year.

I am going to be honest with you though. 

I've put myself into a tizzy this year. I've "institutionalized" us all, along the way.

Your emotions this past year have been so big, and bold, and loud. I've struggled with how to handle you with gentleness, care, and also with consequences when needed.

You are women with your own opinions, ways to do things, and ambitions. You are a serious force of power, that has challenged me more than I thought possible. I've read lots of books, talked to lots of other moms, and cried about you.

I am telling you this because I need you to know that I have always tried my very hardest to be the best Mom for you. But, it is sometimes really hard. I want you both to grow up to be good people. I've put the pressure on myself to try to control all of the things in your life including your emotions and moments of struggle.

In some strange way, I feel like these moments are defining life moments...

I know better. They are not! (But, quite possibly the way that I handle them are.)

When you feel out of control, I feel out of control for you. I try really hard to always be your safe place and to be the one in control of myself when you need me most. Sometimes, I fail at this job. For that, I am sorry. But, please know, I work hard everyday to be better.

With each year that passes, I've quickly realized that I am learning all of this with you. You have taught me how to be a mom. When you are having a hard time, I am having a hard time.

The minute you came into this world I have tried to protect you from everything.  Life is not perfect though, finding a comfortable place in protecting and letting you learn this year has been a daily struggle. I want you to be independent, I want you to have your own opinions, I want you to explore.

BUT...

I also want you to come to me when you need someone, value my opinion, and always think about how your actions affect others and yourself. Growing up into people with emotions is a really hard job!

Just so you know, you are both doing a fantastic job. Hard moments always mean there has been growth. And my, how you have grown this year!! You are smart, funny, soft, loud, and so very sweet. I love you more than you can imagine. I know in the coming years we will continue to face challenges together and with each passing phase, I will say hello to a new one. You are the most important work I will ever have! I will always work hard to be who you need but, also someone you respect and value. Year 4 will be a beautiful one, I just know it! Happy birthday sweet twins of mine!

All my love,
Mom

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Growing up