I thought that the songs I sang to the girls would be the same that I sing to you. They were at first, then I decided to try Baby Mine. You immediatly settled and snuggled into me, I knew that was going to be our song.
The day you were born was an emotional roller coaster for me. I knew it would be but, I wasn't quite as aware of the different kinds of tears that I'd be crying that day. Each cry was followed by a totally different emotion, it was a wild day.
When Uncle Zach came to pick up your sisters that morning, I cried. I cried really hard. I felt like I was mourning something.
When we were in the room prepping for my c-section, I cried at the mere mention of your sisters names. I wasn't sad in this moment, those tears were filled with all of the love that I have for them.
When the doctors pulled you out and held you up I cried, and I couldn't stop crying. These tears were not sad tears, or scared tears, these tears were new but strangely familiar.
These tears, were the tears of what it feels like to become a mom, but for the last time.
The feelings of relief, joy, love, and magic were flowing through me but, it was different than how I felt when I had the girls.
There was a huge sense of completeness in this moment...
Since you have been born I haven't really had a whole lot of "time" to cry. But, I have. These tears are the strangest tears of all. These are selfish tears.
It's funny, because before you were born one of the things I was most excited about was watching everyone meet you and fall in love with you. These moments when your sisters were born were some of my most favorite of all my life.
This last time I cried though, I cried because I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I wasn't getting enough time with all my babies. I needed a break from sharing you and your sisters. I needed it to just be us.
Trying to explain all of these emotions is basically me, trying to explain a mother's love. It truly is the strangest, greatest, most painful (in a good way) kind of love that can ever be felt.
I am certain that throughout your life I will cry about lots of things, and you'll think, "Man, mom is a mess!" I totally am and will forever be. You all have to remember that you made me this way! :)
"But, you're so precious to me,
Sweet as can be, baby of mine."
All my love,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment