Dear Ava and Ella,
It is in moments like this, when it is quiet in the house and you are both asleep, that my emotions sneak up on me and remind me that I am so lucky to have you both in my life. You won't be old enough to really understand/appreciate this letter until you are much older, and maybe even have kids of your own. That's ok, I hope you can look back and feel the love I feel for you both for your little ones, through my words here.
As you know, you came into our lives at a time when we didn't know if you were ever possible. You lit up our lives in the most amazing way, and have continued to do so every minute since. I still remember the thoughts that were running through my mind when I heard you both cry out for the first time. I thought, "give me my babies, let me hold my girls, I NEED them!" I had an immediate need to be with you and take care of you. I didn't want anyone to do it for me. Once I was finally able to hold you after they cleaned you up and made sure you were ok, my life and my heart felt whole, and complete.
When I was growing up I always told everyone that I was never going to have babies. Not because I didn't want to be a mother, but because I was petrified of carrying a baby for nine months, delivering a baby, and then being responsible for a baby for their entire life. I then met your Dad, who wanted to have kids more than any guy I'd ever talked to. I realized that I might have to change my mind about babies...Obviously I did, and I went through an awful lot of stuff that wasn't a whole lot of fun. But, I did that because not only is your Dad a great persuader but also because my life just didn't seem complete. Then you happened...
Being able to stay home with you for the first whole 8 months of your lives has been nothing short of amazing! Even when it was so hard, and we all weren't sleeping, and we were all crying, A LOT. I wouldn't trade it. Learning you, loving you, and watching you grow and change each day has truly been the best thing I could have done.
Yes, money was tight. Yes, we had a lot of help. Yes, we thought we wouldn't make it through sometimes. But, all of that and more has made me so much more appreciative of the time I was able to spend with you. Would I have loved to stay home with you everyday? Of course!
But...
If there is one thing that you learn from me as you grow up, I want you to love what you do, and try to make a difference in the world. I love my work, and I try to make a difference, I know I might not always do that, but my work is important to me and I find joy in what I do. Going back to work has been, and will continue to be hard, it isn't easy leaving you. Just as you complete my life, my job is a part of that puzzle too, and having that is important.
When you are older and working you will understand how important it is to enjoy your job. I hope that both of you can have whatever family you wish to have, (kids, or no kids) but also to have something you love to do. Your soul will be better for it! You are both strong and beautiful girls whom I wish all of the love and happiness that I've had in my life and more! I hope that through my example you can get there someday. I also hope that maybe one day, you will be sitting reading this letter, and it will help you to be strong and do whatever it is that you need to do to make your life great!
You both have and always will be my greatest accomplishment; my favorite thing that I have ever done. And the most wonderful people that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Getting to spend some of the most important months of your lives with you at the beginning has been life changing. I've always needed you in my life, I just never realized how much until that first cry. I will always need you. You are what truly make my life complete.
All my love,
Mom
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