You are my wild and crazy. You are my sweet and snuggly. You are my patience breaking, limit pushing, wonders. You are my happy.
We have just lived a Spring break together this week. I called it the, "Spring break of no rules"! We crammed in as much fun and time with each other as we could.
We made memories. We laughed. And, we were together.
I have been a very lucky mom. Our childcare comes to our home every day. She is your Aunt who loves you extra big. You have never had to wake up and rush through a morning breakfast. You have never had to not be in a place of total comfort...
Things are changing. Life is changing. It always happens at a time that seems inconvenient. It always happens when you're not ready.
I knew that you would grow up. I knew it would come. But, I am not ready. I really would like it if I could keep you home forever. If I could keep you home, with only the people who love you the most. Going to school or anywhere brings on all kinds of, "icky" life situations that frankly, I am just not ready for you to have to go through.
You are coming to preschool with me, starting on Monday.
You would think, I am sending you to college..
We have been given a really beautiful life. We have lived in this wonderful world of our own for 5 years. Now, I have to open our world and let you out. I have to share you. I have to watch as you navigate people, the world, and all of the feelings that come with that.
I need more time.
Because of who I am as a human; introverted, opinionated, emotional, and obsessed with my children... (I sound like a treat) If I could, I would move to a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere and we would live our happy little lives alone together. The occasional loved ones, who were invited could come, when it felt appropriate.
I am a preschool teacher with 3 small children at home, and I will tell you, I do not share well.
Do as I say, not as I do...
I am selfish, and I do not share well.
And let me tell you why;
the happiness I feel in life, is from this family. You are the reason I live a happy life. The life we live is something I never knew existed. And, I had a great life up until I had you...
I clearly didn't have a clue what happiness and love really was. Sharing you is hard for me because, I need to know you are ok, at all times! Change is scary. You growing up is scary.
Living is scary!
Writing and sharing is scary. Being a Mom on social media is scary, being a human is scary. I am scared for you because that is what my world and my culture taught me to be. I grew up scared. I grew up worried about what everyone else thought.
I have since taught myself out of the, "scared". I find that being the truest form of myself is the most important and scary thing to be. I realize in my worry about change and you growing up, that I hope we can teach you to grow up brave, and wild, and strongly empowered. This is where I have to really lead by example, right? Let's see how I do. If you are anything like you are now, in 20 years I am sure I will hear about it!
Things are changing. Life is changing. It always happens at a time that seems inconvenient. It always happens when you're not ready.
Things are changing at the perfect time. All, is right. We get to do this together.
To my smart, happy, and beautiful kids, I hope you live a happy life. And may these first steps into the world be encouraging, fascinating, and freeing as you continue to learn who you are!
All my love,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment