Following our Bliss: Someday you are going to be a man

Dear Jack,

You know my voice now, and your perfect blue eyes find it wherever it goes. You smile when you see me, and those eyes light up. I talk to you a lot, about all different things. I make up songs, and tell you the grocery list. I talk to you about my day and the girls. I read to you, and sing to you. Your eyes always find mine.

You and your sisters were blessed with oceans for eyes. You each have the most beautiful blue eyes. These eyes all come with different stories, different emotions, and different experiences. As your mom I often fall into your eyes. I think about how pure they are right now, and how they might change as you grow. What will they see, what will they experience?

I am enjoying this stage with you. Infancy with your sisters was SO different than infancy with you. You are 1. You are healthy and happy. You are you. You are my last. I seem to know better this time, I hold on tight to these baby moments, because they fade so fast.

Because I have experienced how fast time goes with your sisters, it's hard for me not to think to the future. To think about who you will be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. You won't remember how I looked into your perfectly pure eyes at 2 months. I will. I wonder how you will look at me when you are grown up. I hope those eyes see lots of beautiful, fun, joyful things. I hope that they empathize and show compassion to others when they need to. I hope they are honest and kind. I hope that they are filled with love.

Tonight before I put you to bed we gazed at each other for a while. I admired your sweet face, and perfectly blue eyes. I kissed you all over and you fell asleep on my chest. One day you won't remember this but, I will. One day you will be a man with perfectly blue eyes and a lifetime of experiences behind them.

I wonder what it will be like to look into those eyes then. I hope that your eyes will always be able to find mine, and mine yours.