I was so eager to go, I was literally counting down the days.
When we got there the front desk ladies made over us like crazy and were super sweet, and seemed genuinely happy to see us again! I even got a, "Oh my gosh you are so skinny!"
We finished filling out our papers and took a seat in the same seats we almost always sit in.
I looked at Josh and said, "I need a drink of water, this place still gives me anxiety!"I was already getting light headed and no one even said the word needle, or blood work.
I went from super excited to kind of NOT excited in just a few minutes. It was very strange!
They called us back and we sat in our doctors "actual" office, waiting for our consult... She had redecorated; it was much more welcoming and modern looking than I remembered it being. On her desk, facing us were 3 books; "A Few Good Eggs," "Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from a Little Golden Book," and "Hatched!: The Big Push from Pregnancy to Motherhood." All three books I will most likely be purchasing, good advertisement on her part!
We sat there and I stared at those books and waited, it felt weird, it felt scary.
"Do I really want to do this again?"
She came in and greeted us like old friends, and said; "I can't believe you didn't bring the girls, I am so mad!" She's legitimately my favorite doctor in all of the world! I was put to ease almost immediately after seeing her face!
She asked her questions, we asked ours, and we talked. We talked about many different scenarios.
1. After my c-section, I was told that we might be able to get pregnant on our own this time. My uterus was full of endometriosis and "supposedly" was cleared. Long story short, my OB didn't tell me the whole truth and she probably did not "clear" me! We can try and see, but it is probably a long shot.
2. We had 5 great looking embryos before we did our first round of IVF. We implanted the "best looking" two and were very lucky to get pregnant with the girls. (both took) We have 3 frozen embryos now.
3. We can do a frozen transfer as early as 8 weeks!!!!!!!!!
I immediately started feeling sick again about all of this. She kept talking, Josh kept talking, I just nodded...
She then said something to me that made everything make sense again. she said,
"Meghan, if you are not completely "physched" and excited for this, you're not ready yet. Remember this process is literally a pain in the butt, those progesterone shots alone are a killer."((Her pun work there, made me love her even more!))
Josh and I decided we needed to talk a bit more about this, the "timing" and of course the money aspect before we could make any decisions.
Like any normal 28 year old I immediately called my Mom...
She didn't answer...
So I sat in the car and stewed... (Josh met me there, we drove separate)
I was almost home by the time she called me back.
We talked.
Let me just be super honest... Whenever you tell someone you want to have a baby, and or another baby, you want them to be thrilled for you and super excited.
I knew my Mom wasn't going to be, and not because she isn't excited or doesn't want us to have another but, because she is a rational human being...
Per usual, my Mom doesn't always tell me what I want to hear, and that was a good thing!
She helped me get out of the web I had spun in my head and talked me down a bit.
I talked to Josh when he got home, and he knew before I even opened my mouth... (this guy <3 <3)
I don't know if you guys remember, but we have two perfect little stinker babes growing and thriving right now! We need and want to enjoy them as much as we can before we bring another one into our clan. We want another one, and we want that other one soon...
But we have decided to wait until then end of Summer to go through with treatments. It's best for all of us, and hopefully by that time I will be "psyched" and know that it is the right time!
Meanwhile, I am going to read a few of those books our doctor had on her desk, enjoy every night I do not have to get shot in the butt, and be thankful I am not puking! It will all come soon enough!
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